Dehydration

After months of routine and visitors, I haven't been on an independent quest for ages. It has been wonderful having so many visitors, but you tend to go to the same attractions again and again.


It's fair to say I have been experiencing a period of uncertainty. That's the funny thing about me. I can swing from pure clarify to debilitating uncertainty, in the space of a day.


I have been busy making plans, dreaming and trying to understand the world around me. I have been waiting for the wind to change.


C.S Lewis said 'you are never to old, to dream a new dream' but I believe it gets harder the older you grow. You have more factors to consider, more good and bad comparisons, but does that mean more risk?


Throughout my life I have made choices, some have taken me to new heights, some have left scars. Sometimes the scars are too painful to even consider making any new changes, sometimes I see the advantage of each and everything that has happened to me.


It's also safe to say I'm a deep thinker. No matter how much I try to change this, I find some level of comfort, carefully thinking about everything that has been and everything that could be. I spend time reading, seeking inspiration and exploring the depts of my heart, soul and emotions. The length of time I do this for is never the same.


I have learnt to reach out to people and I'm developing my ability to be honest. I've read a lot about discipline and right and wrong.



I have found it hard to stick to a routine in Hong Kong. I have developed bad habits. I have been holding onto negativity and it has been poisoning my body and stalling my development.


One thing that has remained strong through all of this is my faith. My faith grows in my heart and I can feel it bursting out into my actions.


I have thought about becoming a teacher, studying a masters at Hong Kong University, and starting my own business. Any change is a challenge and my heart is telling me that my Hong Kong chapter isn't over yet. My job isn't sitting well with my soul. I find the core values of my company are different to my own and don't resonate in a positive way with me. 'Fear and greed' and 'profit' are at the route of my company and that is something I don't want to be a part of and I don't believe I can change the system. Saying that, I can learn certain things where I am, and time management is something I feel is essential to my future success.

They are making changes to the structure of my day and who I report to. I know I can't be there forever, and I expect to have found something else by the end of the year. That is the most realistic plan I think I have ever made. A goal with a feasible time scale. Does it really matter when you do things, as long as you are constantly striving to improve and move forward?


My health continues to bare the brunt of my bad decisions and unhealthy choices. A visual representation of my emotional struggles. How long am I going to punish myself for the life I have lived? After all, we are all just trying to do the best we can. I will have to make some social changes. Sometimes living in a city where no one belongs means fragile company.


I have realised recently, I have an ability to connect communities. As I grow and develop my skills to recognise my strengths and weaknesses I have discovered time is a myth, encourages competition and comparison. Understanding the things you can change, and the things you have to learn too accept is part of my journey.


Is your life an outward demonstration of your deepest values, passions and beliefs? Are you grateful for all the lessons you have learnt?


I am not alone. And although sometimes I feel I am, I know deep in my heart that I am loved and I have everything to live for. I owe it to the people who have supported, believed and encouraged me. Making better decisions is something I believe will teach me about reward.


The uncertainty that I feel, doesn't make me sad. It leaves me feeling confused. Confusion isn't bad, it's the foundations of revealing clarity.


If you want something you've never had, you have to try something you've never done before. Change can be hard as it is entering into the unknown. Sacrifice can seem painful at the time, but the rewards promised are beyond your imagination.


I have talked about expectations before. I still struggle to silence my inner voice telling me what to expect. My inner voice can be bitterly cold. I haven't allowed myself much time recently to sit and listen. It seems that my inner voice needs time. And filling each and every day with distractions has left me disempowered.


Today I woke up and decided to find what I have been lacking. I set off from my apartment, with the intention of discovering a new place. I have been in Hong Kong for almost a year. I came here to explore the world and myself. I feel guilty sometimes for leaving my family and friends, this is enhanced when I am not staying true to the reasons why I left.


Hong Kong can make me feel alive, but it can also leave me exhausted and drained. There is a fine balance to life and if I can find a balance in a city that never stops, I will have accomplished more than I ever dreamed of.


The sun was high in the sky, the apprehension I felt before subsided and clarity began to reveal itself once more.






'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;


Courage to change the things I can;


And the wisdom to know the difference'






Accept. Courage. Wisdom