"Are you healthy and happy?
Are you, a well-rounded and balanced individual?
Are you ill or making excuses?
Are you courageous or are you running away?
Are you scared of commitment?
Are you fearful of fear?
Does failure guide you?
Can you hear your hearts deepest desires?
Can you see your own potential?
Can you believe enough to make things happen?
Can you trust another enough, to make the doubt disappear?
Can you be everything you dream of being?
Can you silence the negative thoughts?
Can you find true love?
Do you have faith?
Do you know your strengths?
Do you recognise your mistakes as lessons?
Do you believe you deserve unconditional love?
Is it possible you cannot make mistakes?
Having no judgement is true peace.
Acceptance is the start of change
Understanding is the source of light
Trust is the confidence you lack
From this day on, I will never look back"
I didn't plan on starting this with the above words. I woke up and watched some documentaries about the universe. I was up late last night editing a project I am working on. I am in the process of gathering my ideas to take along to a creative writing group where I hope to meet some inspiring individuals and maybe someone to work with on a collaboration for a book (or two). I mentioned to a colleague I write and it was something I was hoping to develop while I was in Hong Kong. He sent me a link to a local creative writing group (http://www.hkwriterscircle.com/). It was just what I had been looking for. He told me that there was a real mix of people, from young, just at the start types, to those who self publish as they have the money and nothing else to spend it on. And veterans, who directed films, published books and taught creative writing at universities. This seemed too good a coincidence to miss. I have been hoping for some time to find like minded people to share ideas with. Find an illustrator to work with on the 'adult children's' books I am working on. And also, just to have some feedback, critique, advise.
I began working on a portfolio. As it stands I have only discussed my ideas with people. I had to have something real, tangible. I wanted to take an example of work. My blog, poems, adult children book ideas and the 21st Century Love story I was working on., I might be able to seek advice on which project to focus my energy on. The portfolio is actually a newspaper, that I have stuck old (and once very important) pieces of A4 onto. My CV that I printed for my recruitment when first arrived in Hong Kong. The script from the Women in Business Law Awards, anything that I didn't need any more. I stuck them down and filled in the words and pictures around the edges. I have very very little money after Helen's visit, so it made sense to create a scrap book, instead of buying one. It's amazing what you create out of necessity.
I was working on my portfolio when my flat mate walked in. I was chatting to him about what I was up to. He said he'd help me edit, and within an hour, he had managed to edit one of the projects I was working on. I explained what I was trying to do, and his logical brain stepped in with a solution. My brain isn't technology, math, spreadsheet focused. Luckily for me, Chris's is. He sees problems in a different way to me. He sees them as something to be solved in the simplest ways. I see problems, especially technology related ones as a mountain I'd never climb. Repeating patterns on a computer, is not something I find interesting, I discovered this in college when I studied music technology and again at university when doing accounts. Excel and me have never been friends. I watched as Chris saved me hours and hours of work. I was copying and pasting each line, and editing each name. He put the file into Excel, wrote some formulas and within an hour or so had finished. I couldn't believe it. I wish my brain worked in that way, but it doesn't and I am lucky to have people around me that can help. We can't do everything. I had strengths in other places.
If there was one thing I had learned this week, it was this. No-one knows everything. Some people know some things, and others, other things. If you can identify where you need help, then you can find that help. Ask for help. Focus on your strengths, and work hard at your weaknesses. Research, learn and read about things you don't understand. Trust in others and believe they want to help. Have you ever said no, when asked for help by someone? If all else fails, you can pay people to help. But you really must commit when you decide money should be involved.
"This learning curve can be f*#*ing exhausting" I exclaimed to my mum and uncle on Skype. But for all the highs and lows, I am still learning. Small and big lessons. Daily. Sometimes it's harder to appreciate the lessons, or even see, know or believe they are there. As long as there is a little light burning in my heart, I will keep going. One day I may believe in that light more. The light of the world. The light of my world shines.
Do you think that Hemingway knew he was a writer at twenty years old? No, he did not. Or Fitzgerald, or Wolfe. This is a difficult concept to grasp. Hemingway didn't know he was Ernest Hemingway when he was a young man. Faulkner didn't know he was William Faulkner. But they had to take the first step. They had to call themselves writers. That is the first revolutionary act a writer has to make. It takes courage. But it’s necessary
- Pat Conroy
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My new scrap book/writing portfolio made from an old newspaper, used important documents and lots and lots of scribbles, covering up and colouring in the old information and words.
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