Beautiful heartbreak

I used to work in an old Georgian building in a little market town in Hampshire, England. I had a beautiful office, with floor to roof windows. I had a mantelpiece, gentle lighting, plants and a huge space to work in. Downstairs was a shop that sold furniture, nicknacks and bric-a-brac. Twice a day I'd go downstairs and meet with the girl who worked in the shop to talk about life, the future and love. We'd stand in the pouring rain, we'd wrap up for the harshest of winter days and warm ourselves in the sunshine for brief moments in the summer time. Louisa, who was also a jeweller left the shop when the owner moved to the coast. We stayed in touch. Meeting for a glass of wine, dinner and to catch up on our very swiftly developing lives. We talked about our life decisions and the directions they would take us. To follow your heart. Keep your head up, heart strong.
Our lives were heading in different directions. I was waiting for the moment that would take me away from England, and that time came in July.
I wanted to have something made by my dear friend who I shared so much with. We talked about what item of jewellery would be made. We talked through ideas and visions. Louisa drew up story boards of graphics, pictures, quotes and dreams.
I had a collection of jewellery that I didn't have the heart to throw away, but I would never wear again. These items were rings given to me by previous loves of mine. People who had helped me become who I am today, but also people who weren't right for me, and in some cases had hurt me. Every heart break is a lesson learnt, and I am grateful for all the happiness I shared, love and adventures we went on. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. I handed over the jewellery of my past. So much emotion and memory in such small items, that represented such a huge amount to me. I trusted Louisa knew my story, knew me and knew what I was looking for.
She would melt down the rings of my past to create a ring for my future. A ring to remind me that the best is yet to come. That the journey is only just beginning. A ring that contains so much of my past. A ring to remind me that you learn and develop from the moments that hurt the most. That every dark cloud has a silver lining. That time is a great healer. That hitting rock bottom is a chance to start again.
I would have 'The Quantum Physics Quest' inscribed, along with my date of birth and initials. This is a 100% unique item of jewellery. I left England at the end of July to begin a new chapter on my quantum physics quest. The ring wasn't back from the inscribers, I boarded the plane to start my quest without it.
Louisa and I stayed in touch during my time in Hong Kong and the ring was posted. It didn't arrive. We contacted each other and the ring was somewhere between Hampshire, England, and Hong Kong. If the quantum physics of the universe is to be believed, then the ring would appear.
On Thursday, I came back to my apartment, in Wan Chai, Hong Kong to see a parcel had arrived from the other side of the world. I couldn't contain my excitement. My door man was quite taken back when my eyes filled with tears while collecting items from my post box.
I ripped open the parcel and a small box wrapped up with green ribbon tied in a bow was inside. I untied the bow and opened the box.
There it was. The ring of my past in the new form of my future. It contained one of the diamonds from my rings of the past. The outer surface was illuminated in the light, uneven and perfectly imperfect. I could see where Louisa had shaped it with various tools and moulded the shape to fit my finger perfectly. I couldn't stop smiling.
I remember vividly the moments when my past relationships had broken down, taking the rings off my fingers and putting them back in their boxes, packing them up and putting them under my bed, away from the world. I remember the pain of letting go of something that had meant so much to me. Letting go of something that, at the time I could't imagine ever being without. I remember the feeling of my heart actually breaking, and the absolute fear of being alone. I never thought I would want to be reminded of these memories again.
One day, I realised through heartbreak I had found something amazing. The pain I had felt encouraged me to reaccess who I was, why this had happened to me and propelled me forward towards my own dreams. I realised that the heartbreak and hitting rock bottom wasn't something to forget, it was the beginning of a whole new me. I wanted to remember letting go of a person that wasn't me and be reminded of how far I had come on my journey. I became thankful for the experiences, all of the experiences, however hard they were at the time. Every day of my past had helped me to become who I am today. I was thankful for the lessons that I had learnt from the hardest moments of my life.
Inscribed in the part of the ring that touches my skin, is my date of birth, This is to remind me that I am alive. Next to this is my initials, S A H. I am at the centre of my own life and universe. People will come and go People will love and leave. I will love and leave. Life is a continuous cycle. Next to that are the words that have become my guide. The. Quantum. Physics. Quest.
I will wear this ring for the rest of my life. I will remember the people who gave me the original rings as they will always be with me. I will smile every time I look down at my hand and see my ring for all the memories contained within it. I will be reminded every day, to be proud of the journey I have been on, how far I have come since those days that I felt the world had ended, and to believe and have faith in how much further I can go.

Thank you Louisa for making such heartbreak into such beautiful and ever lasting happiness

Déjà Vu

Ever had a dream so big it wakes you in the night?
The excitement and possibility so real that you believe it
I am a dreamer
But I forgot the dream tonight
I tried so hard to remember it, But I forgot it
It's in my subconscious,
And I trust my subconscious will bring it back,
So it'll be back, and become my reality, when the time is right
And when it happens, I'll know it is my dream, because i will have dreamt and thought of it before
And it will be amazing

Living on the edge of perfection

What happens when you don't know what the person looks like who you are meeting in a coffee shop? Google! Famous lawyers can be googled. Just as I hit Google images and saw a photo I looked up and recognised the man sitting in front of me.
I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my role. I'm now in my forth month and the more people I meet, the more I read and the more organised I've become, have allowed me to stay on top of things nicely. I'm now working on six events throughout Asia, and I'm speaking with some very interesting people every day. My first event is in 6 weeks.
I've become more confident when talking to lawyers as my knowledge in the area grows. It's also hit home that you really do learn more quickly when you ask questions and are honest. I have a role, the people I speak to have another role, I'm less experienced but some day, I'll be in their shoes and that means one day they were in mine. I continue to be surprised when people I meet casually drop into conversations '$500 million deals I've been working on'. I can't fathom that sort of money.

I'm leaving the office later and later, i made it home by 8pm tonight. I've started listening to the radio while I work, helps me to concentrate and I switch from an Aussie station in the morning, as they're three hours ahead, to the UK as they wake up just as I'm starting to loose momentum. I'm hoping to leave a little early on Fri after all these late nights. It's swings and roundabouts. Sometimes you put in extra house, and sometimes you don't have much to do. I'm enjoying being busy at work and finding it all very rewarding. Tomorrow after work I am off to help out Feeding Hong Kong, and work on the charity support for 2013.

I have a new obsession with the Middle East. The city of the future, Dubai. I'm learning a great deal about the region and it fascinates me the more and more i learn. Maybe a future destination for me.
I want to stand in a city created by man, the furthest away from nature possible. I want to be the front of art and culture, charity and life there. I need to find someone there that will allow me to make a difference, support me and inspire me. Share my vision.

What happens if you don't get your dream?
It's okay
You've dreamed another dream
And you're already making it happen
Children of the revolution, young adults with big ideals and big dreams.

TQPQ- 1

Andy Warhol distant quote: Up high 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Marilyn 

24 Hour Party People:
Late night walking round the streets of Mong Kok, walked past this couple, having a meal, under these signs, not a care in the world. They had create their own moment, Nothing like street food in your own restaurant 

Bringing colour back

We strolled around Prince Edward, picking up a coffee on the way to dim sum. It was a beautiful warm sunny day. We ate a traditional Chinese breakfast and made our way to Kowloon Park. A beautiful, colourful and full of life place to spend a leisurely afternoon. We wandered but were definitely not lost. We soaked up the natural life surroundings and the moments away from the city. Things were slower in the park, no one was rushing, the park was full of people who shared no time limits. There was an aviary with birds of all colours of the rainbow. The sun through the trees made beautiful patterns on the people sitting enjoying the day. The city of hidden gems. Penthouses that over looked the park dominated the treetops, helicopter rides into the city of dreams became a dream today.

From the park we jumped on a bus to the museum of art to take in the Andy Warhol exhibition for the second time. It was less than a week ago we came but we didn't make it round the whole exhibition so today we completed the works of this inspiring artist. His life work displayed for all to see. The developments of style, his life journey all out on show for the world to see. It made me think of never ending possibilities. A world where expressing yourself is accepted. This was the first time I had seen a Warhol exhibition and I was delighted to have had the opportunity to go twice. It was very well attended, and for $20, you don't get more value for money out of anything else. Inspiration for a life time, for twenty bucks. A day of inspiration for next to no pennies.

The pieces which stood out to me today:

'Sign'
with the highlight of love.

The Time Capsule: Hong Kong:
a collection of books, maps, tickets, memos, and pictures of his time spent in the city. One capsule of a collection of 612 depicting his personal life. This definitely struck a cord with me, someone who collects things from everywhere I go, my scrap book is a place where I display and add in my thoughts. I did think while observing this, whether Andy Warhol knew that his art would be displayed, presented to the world, or if he did this for self fulfilling purposes. You can see the progression, from underground art to when he became a work of art himself, invited to celebrity gatherings as the entertainment. The was a sense that towards the end of the collection, that anything was possible. There were no boundaries.

Ads: Apple 1985
His interpretation of the Apple brand nearly 30 years ago. To see what the Apple identity has now become, a world dominating, very powerful brand entity. I noticed a new, huge store had opened in Causeway Bay on Saturday and was surprised how quickly it had gone up and how many people were in there. From a niche, top end, quite specialised product, to the 'selling pretty and expensive technology to dumb people'. Another brand controlling the developed world.

Giant Panda
I'd buy this one if I ever had enough money. The nature collection was vibrant and captured nature in a unique way. I love the colour in general throughout the collection.

Carolina Herrera:
It reminded me of the Eva Peron posters. A life long love of mine. Fascination. Captured by the story.

'I never met a person I couldn't call a beauty'
I'd agree with Andy Warhol on this one :)

Finite balance

I was talking to a friend last night about money and life, as you do. At the start of this year I have set goals, one of them being to travel as much as possible in 2013. This, inevitably costs money, taking away from my savings goal....of life (save a 1/3, spend a 1/3 on living and a 1/3 on bills)
BUT I keep running out of money. I have about £300 to last the month. Now this is, as we all know my first attempt at supporting and living on my own, being responsible 100% for my own life. I'm doing something wrong. I spend my money and then spend weeks declaring 'I'm broke' and the second half of the month is spent eating noodles and not attending anything I'm invited to.
Saying this, I am also an avid saver. I worry about not having any money so I save. This poses the question of 'what am I saving for?' It's important to have something tucked away, I'm living proof of the opportunity having something tucked away can bring, I moved to Hong Kong on a whim, but was able to because I had been saving for months. But now I'm hear, living a new life, am I restricting myself from certain things in the present to prepare for the future? How do you strike the perfect balance here. I think it's time to look at my finances again. Oh joy. Figures, numbers, spreadsheets and worry. I don't find this appealing but it might help me figure (see what I did there) out a better balance. I was reading a book about how focusing on one area of your life an trigger change in others, obviously, changing anything has a consequence (a theme running through my life for the past week or so)
It all comes down to priorities I guess. What is important to me, right now. I want to travel, yes. I also want to save, yes but I also want to live and enjoy my time in Hong Kong, yes. A balance again. I also want to spend more time reading and writing, luckily both of these are free activities, and I also want to get fit again, also free. I'm not writing a schedule for this, it'll happen, it already does. Letting the things that are important to me just flow.

I'm debating moving house too. This is a whole new thing I'm considering. Weighing up all the possibilities, the pros and cons. I have until May to decide, so this is just a mere consideration for now. I do enjoy a challenge and a change. I'm going to put the feelers out there for someone who might be a potential house buddy. It'd be an easy choice if I had someone to move in with........not sure that this is actually true anymore. I just think it might be more fun with someone.

But I must put a budget together........I'm hoping my friend that comes to stay in six weeks can assist. She's good with numbers.

Small adjustments, big day dreamer

-I am grateful for the places I have already been to
-I am grateful for the friends I have been able to share with, seek support from and care for
-I am grateful for the strength to try new things
-I am grateful for the hard times because they teach me how to be brave and make it through future difficulties
-I am grateful for the freedom to make decisions for myself, but that I have others to make decisions for

Ive been thinking about decisions. Decisions you make for yourself, and decisions you make for others.
'You can't only make decisions based on what you want, you'd never go home' a colleague said to me. You go home for others, you work hard for others, and in return they pay you and you can spend that money on anything you like. You have to give eight hours of you day, for five days a week to someone else, and your reward for that is the money they put in your account, which in turn allows you to travel, spend time with friends, buy things, eat food and you just have to become really good at managing your time so that you can have enough energy for everything. You also gain valuable experience, in something, it might not be exactly what you thought is would be, it never is, but you learn new skills and if you can take a new skill away each day, well, then you are doing okay.
Your job, it's nothing more than a time, experience, personality and energy trade off. Corporate world Vs hobbies. One thing I've noticed, everyone wears grey in my office! Is that a corporate thing? Suits, offices, buildings where we work are all so generic, lifeless, and plain. I'm bringing colour back from now!!!


Saturday

I went for my first run of the year and realised, it doesn't matter how fast or how far you go, your moving in the right direction. And if you are giving it your all, then you are doing enough and all that you can.

It felt like the first day if summer. Warm, sunny, with blue skies over the city. I managed to finally make it out running after toying with the idea of giving up exercise all together, trading in the 1/2 marathon for dressing up in fancy dress and walking it for charity. I opted first to catch up on correspondence and writing. There was time to do everything because there was no time limits today.

I don't have to spend long amounts of time on things, there are many things I enjoy. Exercise is one of them. Writing is another. Spending time with friends, writing and talking to family, reading, exploring, lunching etc etc there was time for everything this year. I feel I have learnt about time management, and now is the time to put it into practice.

I didn't mind that I was slower, had gained some weight or that I wasn't as fit as I had been before. I'd get back there and realised that this year was the first year I didn't feel like I needed to change. I've been waiting for this moment of 'this is what I shall change' to come over me, it didn't come this year which leads me to one conclusion, I'm completely happy with everything. There are areas to work on, time management, focus, and reward but on the whole I realised the changes I have already made are all making me happy.

I also decided that I'd still like to meet a rich man. As you do. Surely the men in this world who are earning millions and millions can't spend all that money themselves. They surely need a loving wife, who will bring up there children and help distribute some of that hard earned cash??! That is a way I could spend my days doing the things I loved. I could love the children, write and stay fit and healthy. Buy art, make homes all over the world. I could choose local produce, cook, campaign for change and develop culture. And he can come back to me and my smile and love every day :) Awwwwww there is nothing like a good day dream. I wonder if he is in this city or another? I'll write an add for the personals......

British Female, 26, knows what she wants: would like to meet

eccentric billionaire,

a sultan or a prince in shining armour, 

7 languages preferred but not essential

Please get in touch if you think you qualify 

While going about some Saturday afternoon errands I realised that Apple are taking over the world, that dwarf Chinese ladies have more determination that I've ever seen, and Marks & Spencer's are mugging expats for money, $200, £16 is not acceptable for three pairs of tights.

I met with a friend at Ikea to buy some lighting for my apartment, I then headed home to catch up with an old friend before heading out to meet a new one. Another lovely Saturday.

What a Year - 12 life changing moments

A blank page. A new start. Time for reflection and time for prediction and dedication. 2012 has been. 2013 is just beginning. It has begun.

I have never had such a life changing year in all my 26 years. I have started something very exciting. Living.

I want to look back. Start at the beginning. A year that changed my life. A reflection and then the prediction. I will post a quote for each month that inspired me, one photo and one song.

January

I decided things were going to be different this year. I was not going to see this year out in England, and I knew that. I was not going to stay standing still. I was not going to live my life through others. I was not going to watch other peoples lives from the side lines. I was beginning an incredible adventure. I knew not where it would lead. But I felt the magic that  first day in 2012, and I was about to take the biggest step of my life.

'Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase' 

I felt different. I was different and this year was going to be different. I knew it. I felt it in my heart. I was inspired by possibility. I was free to do anything. So I did. 

My inspiration was my nephew. He taught me in a second about love and life.

 

Wicked! Defying Gravity - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlMBcTGJ4YM

February 

I had a ticket out of the UK in my hand. By the end of the month I would be on the opposite side of the world. I had made a decision and I was on my way. The realisation and proof that dreams do come true. I was in love for the first time with the beauty of life. I was deeply in love with the promises of change. And I was making it happen, all by my self. 

'Dear Heart, 

Fall in love when you're ready, not when you are lonely. 

I am enough and I am loved.'

One of the most amazing discoveries was that I already had what I was looking for. I had it all along. I was searching for something which I found within me, around me and everywhere I looked. Love. 

Ben Howard- Keep Your Head Up- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADP65wbBUpc&list=FLdJf5Tza3bokd7yaQ6MQejw&index=21

March 

Independent. Set free and on my way. I was in Australia, eyes wide open. Mind on fire with plans. So many questions. Too many. I was in Australia but my heart wasn't. I was in the right place at the wrong time and I knew it. In hindsight, this was a huge factor in the months that followed. A chapter was about to close and I wasn't sure what new door would be opened. I sat back and embraced contemplation and the unanswerable questions. What next?

'Not all those who wander are lost' 

J R R Tolkien

The ability to ride the waves. The strength to question it all and find comfort from not knowing the answers. Who needs answers when you have the time, the space and the freedom to explore the unknown. This was my time, my life and I was living it. The door was open and I realised there was an entire world out there. 

Coldplay - Paradise - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G4isv_Fylg

April 

While I sat and contemplated the world, my world and my life, I found faith. I knew I was going somewhere, I knew my time with my family was precious, so I spent the month in their trusted hearts. I was reflecting on possibilities, searching for something and I found comfort in my family. I went to church, I read, I wrote, I listened, I watched, I observed and I thought that I was on the edge of something life changing and I was glad to be surrounded by the love of my family. 

To thine own self be true

All the world is a stage

To be or not to be

I found peace. I let go of burdens. I was safe in the nest and I was being nurtured. I had family. I had a family and friends that loved me, for whatever decisions I made. As long as I made the decisions based on truth and love, my loved ones would support me in which ever direction I chose to go in. I was surrounded by love and no distance was every going to change that. 

Angus and Julia Stone - I'm Yours- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uj1AOKUPYTY&list=PL18FAC3B1C083B525 

May 

I was getting somewhere. Slowly things were becoming clearer. The rain was subsiding and the sun was promising. I felt warm. One quest was over and another was about to begin. Not a new chapter, a new life. I didn't need my comfort zone any more. I was comfortable with feeling uncomfortable and knew that was where my magic was. I realised the uncertainty was my destiny. I didn't need answers. I didn't need safety. I was ready to test the boundaries of new surroundings. 

'You're off to great places. 

Today is your day.

Your mountain is waiting. 

So get on your way'  

Dr Seuss

I knew what I didn't want. That was enough to get me on a plane on the 29th May. I didn't want to walk to my little office in Petersfield, not brave enough to board a plane to the unknown. That was to much to bear. So I did. 

Within 3 days of arriving in Hong Kong I met two people who would change the course of my year and life. I moved in to their flat the following month. Richie and Paul. 

June 

Saying goodbyes with time limits. Last time to be doing this and that. I had five weeks left in the UK before heading to Hong Kong to start a new life. A wild and quick decision. It felt right so I went with it. I was focused on the goal, I researched and contacted everyone and anyone that I thought might be able to help me out when I finally took the steps. It felt like I was killing time, but really I was waiting to start my new life. I was excited and empty. I was in transition. I wasn't nervous or apprehensive  It was the first time in my life, where huge change was imminent, and yet I felt no fear. I realised that all the reasons I had had before to stay, were now all gone. No reason to stay, was enough to make me realise that it was my time to go. It was surprising how much thinking time I had, and yet I wasn't worrying or anxious. My mum confirmed that she felt the same. We were both at peace with my decision. 

'Twenty years from now

You will be more disappointed by the things your didn't do

Than by the ones you did. 

So thrown off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour, 

Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover'

Mark Twain 

Good friends are friends you have your whole life 

July 

I swayed between 'I have so much to do before I leave' and 'nothing is more important that spending every waking moment with my family and friends'. The latter winning every time. There wasn't much more than buying a few bits, packing a few things, and anything I didn't have time for, clearly wasn't important enough. By the end of the month I would be in another country, in a different life with everything familiar around me soon becoming a distant memory. 'The final time' was becoming the phrase of the month as I said my goodbyes to places, people and what had been my life for the past 25 years. I organised a night to the theatre with my mum, a leaving dinner party with my friends  packed my bags, said endlessly 'I love you'. This time I didn't cry. I knew that this was the right move for me. I knew that everyone would move on with their lives and I knew people wouldn't forget me. I received leaving gifts and words of encouragement  One of the cards simply said 'your energy and enthusiasm is contagious'. 

'It's not the destination, it's the journey' 

The final sunset in just as I boarded my plane on the 26th July 2012.  

I saw the end of July  come to a close, sitting in Hong Kong, in the perfectly named, Happy Valley. I had a chance to be anything I wanted. I was fresh off the boat. No one knew me. I was a happy stranger to this city, eyes like a rabbit in the head lights, and my heart was wide open to feel everything that came my way. I had arrived. 

August 

One of the most motivational and exciting months of my life. Every day I felt alive. Things kept happening that only confirmed my decision. I felt unstoppable. I felt great. I was learning new lessons every day. I was an independent women of the world and it felt good. I went to interviews, I signed up to charities and I found an apartment. I made friends, I went on adventures every day, everything was new to me, everything therefore was exciting. 

'Don't change so people will like you, 

Be true to yourself, always, and the right people will love the real you' 

I moved house, I moved back, I studied and was offered a job. I freaked out and I settled into my new life. I was living proof that all I had to do was believe in myself and i could make big things happen. From this moment on, and forever, I pride in how far I had come, and I was anticipating how far I could go 

Matrix & Futurebound - All I know (Maduk remix) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sdy2odzP9Y&list=PL5B874FC3543C3523 

September 

My last month of not having an official job. It was still blisteringly hot and humid. I had a friend coming to visit, I had a new apartment to move into. I had landed my dream job and I had four weeks to enjoy. It wasn't a stress free month, in fact, it was the hardest month in Hong Kong. So much was changing, and at a rapid pace, that I struggled to keep up and felt anxious for the commitments and change. I signed contracts and tried to settle my worries. I reminded myself all the time and reassured myself that I was doing very well considering the journey i had been on. I found comfort in my new friends who cared about me, and seeing an old friend set me back on track. 

'It's impossible' said Pride

'It's risky' said Experience

'It's pointless' said Reason

'Give it a try' whispered The Heart 

So I did. I moved into a new apartment and started to prepare for the next chapter of my life. Living and working in Hong Kong. Be careful what you dream for, because you might just get it. I was grateful to have the love and support around me and I needed it more this month than ever before. I was lucky that it was there. I was filled with enthusiasm and I was ready to give it my all. I was happy in the knowledge, if  it didn't all go to plan, that I had given all that I had. 

October 

October was culture month. I had theatre tickets and a new job to make heads and tails of. I was prepared for the challenges, and I was prepared to take each day as it came my way. Not putting pressure on myself, and allowing myself time to settle into the new role. I was grateful for the friendly faces in the office, who were all happy to help. I explored more of the Hong Kong art scene and felt that the creative flare in my heart was beginning to grow. I spent days in the sun and had to say goodbye to more good friends that I had made in such a short space of time. Realising this city is one of the most life affirming places in the world. 

'When one door closes, a window is opened and new life floods in with the sun' 

'The best is yet to come' 

I was finding my feet and voice in my new surrounding. I was becoming stronger and making better decisions. I joined clubs and worked hard. I was learning about time management and enjoying new invitations. The end of the year was creeping up quickly. I was really starting to make good friends, no longer was I desperate to fill my time with anyone who invited me anywhere. I now had to be more selective with my time and I was beginning to connect with people on a deep and meaningful level  

Ludovico Einaudi- Two Sunsets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUKcmyZ2NEw&list=PL393F00452A1BFE7C

November 

I turned a year older, and wiser. Turning 25 had a huge impact on me, and I was proud at how far I had come in only a year. I had been at my new job for a month, in my new apartment for one month and I was starting to feel like home. I began to find beauty in creating, and I had found a friend who shared the same creative passions and desire to explore the unknown. We adventured around Hong Kong, we embraced the inspiration all around us. We shared music, stories, art and poetry. My creative flare was ignited. I couldn't wait to begin my new life in Hong Kong. I continued to make progress at work, learning all about responsibility and consequences. I smiled at the world, and it smiled right back at me. 

'I think it is very healthy to sped time alone. 

You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person'

Oscar Wilde  

I went for dinner by myself, I walked, I shared boat rides with inspiring people, I encouraged others and listened and helped. I was understanding more and more everyday my potential and I was gradually developing the strength to truly believe in myself and strive for more. I was on my way 

The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Idj5_PwRl1k&list=PL18FAC3B1C083B525&index=42 

December 

There was excitement about the final weeks of the year. People returning home, news of family to soon be arriving. There was exploration of new music, time to spend with friends. Still new experiences, concerts, ballet and hikes. Everyone was wrapping up their year and I was planning for the future. I felt very special to have woken up to see so much throughout the year. I was honoured to have felt and learnt the things I had throughout the year. I was looking forward to escaping the city and heading to new lands in the Philippines. 

I was surrounded by people who were inspiring me to strive for me, be more, reach for the stars. I had found my fellow children of the universe. In the city of lost souls. 

'I choose

To live by choice, not by chance; 

To make changes, not excuses;

To be motivated, not manipulated; 

To be useful, not used;

To excel, not compete; 

I choose self esteem, not self pity; 

I choose to listen to my inner voice;

Not the random opinion of others.' 

2013

To write more: poetry, short stories, my blog and my scrap book and send off for publishing

To travel: Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, China, Indonesia, Australia, Korea, and where ever the wind takes me 

To find a finite balance in life 

To continue to learn life's lessons 

To smile when things are hard, and to feel it when times are good 

To reward myself 

To be less critical and harsh on myself 

To support and love myself UNCONDITIONALLY 

A painful start to the year

I woke up this morning still feeling bunged up, head heavy and a little fuzzy. It was the first day back to school, I mean work yesterday and it almost killed me.
My alarm went off and it felt like I had been clean punched in the face with reality. I could bear the thought of heading to the office to pretend to be all grown up and know what I'm talking about. None of these things applied today. I felt ill, so so ill. The last two weeks had taken their toll and I felt so weak and unhealthy. My brain wasn't working, I felt demotivated, miserable, home sick, and deflated. The only thing which made it slightly easier was seeing everyone else stumble, crawl and fall back into they desks, in our stuffy, no real air or natural lift office.
I read articles, caught up on the latest legal developments in Korea and emailed a few people back, mainly saying 'can we reschedule' (till my brain works out what the hell i'm meant to be doing with my job and life) (tomorrow then)
I struggled on through, deciding that this wasn't the job for me, I hated it, I needed my mum and I the only thing that was going to save me now was a week in bed.
I walked home, paid my rent after being told I was now officially squatting in my apartment as the contract ha run out and I was a week late paying my rent.
It felt amazing to get home. Hours of undisturbed recovery time lay ahead.
I talked to friends for reassurance that I was going to return to normal and that this was a completely normal way to be feeling on the first day back in the new year.
I made a mental list that this year would be about finding a finite balance. Being able to reward myself. Support myself. Continue to learn new things every day and give myself a break when I didn't know all the answers.
I spent the remainder of the evening looking at flights and hotels in Penanag. Wondering if I was normal spending hours researching, checking, comparing and not actually booking anything? I'm being cautious (and I have no money)

I went to sleep early. I was hoping to begin running in the morning, after all, I have a 1/2 marathon to run in eight weeks time. My alarm went off, I hit snooze. It was still dark out. For your information, everyone who told me the light didn't change, it does. Not as extremely as in the UK, but it isn't light at 6am in winter. It IS harder to run in the morning because of this. Plus, I'm still not feeling 100% so I opted for a morning in bed, cup of tea, some reading and writing to ease me into day two of 2013. Not a bad way to start a sunny Thursday.
I was reading a blog, about a happiness lecture. The lecturer said that writing 5 things that you are grateful for at the start of every day for 21 days means you will have enhanced happiness for 6 months. Sounds like a good challenge for January 2013 so here is my list
- I am grateful for the opportunities I have
- I am grateful for the friends I have who love me for me
- I am grateful for being brave enough to make the move away from home and try something new and move to Hong Kong
- I am grateful for my healthy mind and body
- I am grateful for the love, passion and creativity in my life

I also read about someone who tuned her blog into her job. HELLO dream. I am now 100% focused on becoming a professional writer, being paid to experience and retell life. I want to manage my own schedule, as this one writer wrote 'mistress of my own schedule. Imagine, I could wake up each morning, read and write with a cup of tea in bed, never waking to an alarm or in the dark. I'd then exercise for at least an hour. I'd then make breakfast , make it not just throw some sustenance in a bowl and then go on an adventure, or write all day in a little cafe or restaurant. Meet with friends after work, enjoy being the manager of my own life. On that note, I must get out of bed and go to work......I'm not quite there yet. Right now, I am an events producer and I have an extremely busy schedule for the next, hmmmmmmm year!!!! However, after deciding my job was awful (mainly due to the two week unhealthy abuse catching up with me) I also decided that it actually was pretty good really. I can't wait to travel and see Asia this year. My number one goal is to travel as much as possible in 2013, visiting as many places as possible, hey, it'll give me something to write about when I become a full time writer.

I've now been sitting in bed for over an hour writing and reading. I'm going to be late for work.......