A different type of spa

After a challenging week I pulled myself together to rejoin reality on Friday. I woke early and made it to work by 7:30am. I had such a lot to catch up on.

The weekend promised friends, new and old. I had met Olivia just over a month ago at a gathering in my flat, before it was mine and was still Matt's. Matt had a leaving do, Olivia was there, I was there. We emailed and arranged to meet up when she had returned from Nepal and I from Penang.

Olivia worked in Wan Chai and after a few exchanged texts, we arranged to meet for lunch on the public rooftop at The Pawn, an old heritage building in Wan Chai.

We instantly clicked and discussed our lives, beliefs and faith. We shared stories, concerns and advice. It is safe to say, instant friends.

I invited Olivia over to my new apartment on Saturday to collage/scrap book after discovering this was a creative interest we shared. I had a wonderful relaxing Saturday morning. Tidying up, drinking tea and exploring my new flat, all to myself on a Saturday. I was in heaven. I listened to music, wrote, read, contacted friends, planned, researched and cleaned. All the things I love. Olivia arrived after lunch and we sat and rummaged through old magazines, cutting, pasting, talking and sharing. I felt very lucky to have found a new friend who shared a very important new part of me. My faith. We talked about our journeys to find God.

Olivia left and I had an early night, knowing I needed to be up and about by 7am the following morning.
I woke at 5:30am. I finished off a documentary I had started the night before about North Korea. At 7:30am I hopped on the MTR to Central to meet with a friend to head up the Peak for a morning hike. We met at 8:30 and we instantly commented on the length of time since our last meeting, before Christmas. Hong Kong can quickly absorb time. One visitor after the next, work commitments, friends coming and going, weddings, celebrations and holidays. Time flies in this city.

We set off from Bonham Road. This was a hike we had done before, but only at night. It was a cool and beautiful morning. Just what I needed. Some fresh air, vigorous exercise and good conversation. We had lots to catch up on. Four months worth of adventures.

We talked about work, as she used to work at the same company I now work at, leaving only a year ago. It was good to talk about work with someone who knew everyone I talked about. Similarly, she offered advice and encouragement.

We walked around the entire perimeter of the Peak. We were among the clouds today. We talked about our family visits, life in Hong Kong and people leaving. It was the perfect Sunday morning.

I made my way back to my home. Meandering through the market. There were a few things I wanted to buy. A new outfit for my second event. On Wednesday I head to Singapore for an event I have worked hard to make a success. I will be in Singapore for five days. After my event I will meet with my dear friend Paul. I am very excited about having my number one tour guide show me around a new city in Asia. Paul had a big part to play in my love for Hong Kong.

I arrived back at my flat, with new purchases. I had a shower and relaxed before I headed out again.
I had been invited by Olivia to join her at the evening service at her church. When I arrived in Hong Kong it felt very important to me to find a church. I had looked at The Vine, just before I met Josh who introduced me to St Stephens Society. I have been going along to this church in Li Chi Kok for nearly ten months. Being someone to never turn down an opportunity to experience something new in Hong Kong I wet along and met Olivia at 4pm on Wan Chai road, the road I moved from only two weeks ago to attend The Vine.

I walked in and was instantly reminded of Spring Harvest, Word Alive. It was an auditorium packed with young people. The average age had to be 25, a few older faces, but 90% under 30.

We sang and prayed together, always saying 'amen' as one. I had been told by Olivia that they were very creative with their worship, something I was instantly keen to experience. She told me that at a previous service they were all asked to write down on a piece of paper a time in their life where they hadn't felt God present in a difficult situation. They then put the pieces of paper up on the wall and all the lights were turned off. A UV light was shone. Before the pieces of paper were distributed, JESUS had been written in the centre. Now the light shone to reveal that JESUS was written in the centre of the pages, in the middle of the problems that had been noted moments before. This showed that God was always at the centre of everything, he was always there.
We sang and you could feel the connection. The peace.

Tony Read took to the stage. He reminded me of David Attenborough. Wise, deep voice and knowledgeable. Faith, belief and compassion was written in large words on the screen behind him. He talked about the 'F' word. Failure and frustration. We read from Mark 9. "Everything is possible for one who believes"

I felt reassured that this journey I was on I no longer was on it alone. I no longer had to just rely on myself, I was supported, unconditionally and loved through the failures and successes. I wasn't alone anymore.

We then were presented with a Martin Luther king Jr quote:

"No one really knows why they are alive until they know what they'd die for"

This resonates with me. I have, for some time been seeking the answer to this in my own life. What in your life, can you absolutely not do? What is your focus, drive, inspiration? What is your purpose, direction, legacy?

We were then told to get our iPhones out. Everyone that had an iPhone was asked to stand up. I was impressed at how many people owned one. We were asked to locate the compass app and find zero degrees north. This indicated a direction. He went on to say how Christ had died for the world, and the church was created to live for the world. I felt connected in this. Like I had found my direction. We were here to live the best lives we could, in his creation. We had chosen to live in his name, trust him and believe in him.

We were then told to write the following........
Failure
-It's gunna happen!!! But you are not alone
-Never give up. Persist.
-Failure is good for you. It helps you to learn about yourself, grow and develop. It helps you to understand the world. There is life beyond failure. It makes you empathetic. Compassionate.
-Don't live in fear of failure. Live beyond fear with God.

What is underneath this lesson?
Strength, hope and encouragement.

I had noticed apples under chairs at the start and now was the time Tony instructed everyone to reach under their chairs. There were 100 apples distributed, and those that had them were told to start eating. As they ate their apples he talked about strength returning after hard times. The circle of life. That from small seeds, orchards do grow. Once the apple eaters had finished they were told to pick out the seeds and give them to everyone who didn't have an apple under their chair. Seeds were distributed from the apple eaters and everyone in the congregation now had one. The entire congregation was now holding a piece of the apple. This represented growth. Eternal purpose.

Look for the seeds in life. The hope. The light at the end of the tunnel. Find the knowledge that you are not alone. That through the darkness the light comes back and shines through you.

We sang and prayed once again. Olivia putting her hand on my shoulder and I felt comforted. I had found a family. I had finally found my tribe in Hong Kong. This is where I belonged.

I was introduced to Olivia's friend. She simply said 'I feel like I've been to the spa' she was right. I felt invigorate for the week ahead. It was the perfect ending to the week and the courage I needed to take on the week ahead. I was completely at one with the world.

Guilty or not guilty?

I heard some very shocking news last night. An old friend of mine from the Alton College days took his life last week and I only just found out.

I spent a considerable amount of time with him and now it means a considerable amount of time in his short 26 years. I feel guilty and very shaken up with the news. I kept waking up last night after dreams with him in. I always thought I would bump into him in London, when we were both in our 40's, go for coffee and laugh about the old days and how silly we all were. I will never get the chance to say how very sorry I was for everything that happened between us. I was much younger back then, and less aware of my actions. This doesn't make it hurt any less.

We have all felt lost at times in the world, even low enough to think the worst at times. One thing that always pulls me out of this is knowing how much love there is in the world for me. My friends and family are always so supportive, and however lost, sad and confused I have been in the past, I have always felt a reason to keep going. I feel desperately sad that my friend didn't feel this. That he felt that lost in the world.

We spent a summer together back in 2003. Every waking hour we spent side by side. We slept side by side and connected on a deep level. We had a big fall out and turned against each other after returning to college. A young lovers tiff.

It was ten years ago but I can still remember every day vividly. The curse of a good memory.

After college we all went our separate ways. Some of the friends I made during my time at Alton college remain some of my closest friends. We have known each other for ten years and they are now my oldest friends. We have supported each other through all the hard times, low times and spent many memorable times together.

I feel guilty for the bad words that went between him and I. I feel bad that I will never get to say how sorry I am for all the nasty things I said and did to him. He often asked me if I was still angry at him, whenever we bumped into each other in the street, pub or supermarket and I never took the opportunity to say sorry. How I wish now I hadn't waited. Believing this fantasy that we would one day meet again and I would be able to say those three words to him. I. Am. Sorry.

People are saying some very comforting things to me. Even I am shocked at how much it has shaken me up. I haven't spoken to him much in the last ten years and still my heart feels empty. We connected on a deep level and this is more apparent than ever today.

I am so lucky to have walked away from that time in my life with good friends and good memories. We left him behind. I am someone who has learned to forgive quickly. I am someone who loves greatly. And yet I never had the opportunity to sit down with him and tell him how much he meant to me. I never had the chance to show him that there is love in the world and every reason to keep fighting. The best is yet to come.

At 26, I still have days where I feel confused and lost in this sometimes surprising world we live in. I have days that I reflect back to my Alton College days and think, did we party too hard? Everything you do, every decision you make has an affect on your life, and sometimes on the lives around you. People keep telling me that suicide is a selfish act. But I can't see that. I feel sad for the lost soul who believed he couldn't carry on. I feel loss that he never felt loved. Never had someone to turn to. Open up to. Throw your hands in the air and say 'help me please'. I would never turn my back on someone who needed me. But I did turn my back on him.

I was 16 and thought I was invincible back then. How invisible I feel right now. We were young and care free. We created drama in our lives as a game and thought nothing of the long term effects. We wound each other up about things, mocked and joked around. I was attention seeking as I tried to work through my own insecurities, never taking into consideration the long term impact of doing this. I thought about myself more then I thought about how my actions were affecting others. I was deeply unsure of myself and used other people to try and make myself feel more settled in the world.

Since then I have become a loving individual and I care deeply for others. I forgive easily and say I'm sorry regularly. I never hold a grudge and feel at one with the world. It has taken years of questioning myself, my beliefs and actions to come to this point. There is one person in this world that I never had the opportunity to say how deeply sorry I am for the bad words and actions between us.

Please say a prayer for my friend today. For him and his family.

He has left the world and I hope he can now rest in peace.

I hope you know that I am thinking of you and I am glad I spent those memorable times with you ten years ago. You have taught me to never let anything go unsaid. I will remember you forever.

Penang "we live in harmony"

We arrived at our first hotel. It was a converted heritage building in the heart of Georetown, Penang. We checked in and booked onto two tours of the island; taking in all the cultural hotspots. The main hall was beautiful, with a fountain and fish pond in the centre. We went straight to bed after a day of travel.

At 9.30 we met Mr We, our tour guide for the day. We were the only people on the tour. We had our very own private guide around the island. Mr We simply said, after I asked about so many cultures existing in such close proximity, 'we live in harmony'

With a packed schedule we headed to the Spice Garden. Stepping out of the bus we were met with the most amazing smell. Sensory overload. We were guided around the tropical garden, with explanations of what each plant was and the health benefits of each. Living in Hong Kong it is easy to forget the beauty of nature, and the power of plants. The garden was so luscious, green and fresh. The sun broke through the trees and the waterfalls glittered in the rays. Heaven on earth.

The next destination was a Batik Factory. We saw fabrics being printed by hand, dyed and carefully created with wax and fabric dye. The prints we stunning and I bought a table cloth/bed sheet for my new home, which I move into when I return from Penang.

We hopped back onto our private tour bus and headed straight for our next destination, the butterfly farm. We walked in and we were met with thousands of butterflies fluttering around us. It felt like heaven.

After the butterflies we made our way to the top of Penang Hill to the organic fruit farm which was situated on the mountain side. We drove up and up. Further and further into the jungle. We were dropped off and jumped into another bus which took us up even further. We were on top of the world. We were shown round the organic fruit farm and it was apparent the effects of increased consumerism on nature. It takes 8 months to grow a pineapple and 9 months for a bunch of bananas. It makes you think about supermarkets and how they meet consumer demands; and what they must be doing to speed up nature. I will be buying from the markets from now. After the tour we settled into an 'all you can eat' fruit lunch. So many fruits, so many colours and so many different tastes.

After the fruit farm we made our way to the fishing village and the beach. It was a glorious hot and sunny day. A glimpse of what is soon to arrive in Hong Kong in the coming months. We didn't stay long, well that was the intention. Our mini bus got stuck in the sand. It was like being stranded and buried by snow, but in a tropical island. Mr We asked the locals to help. At first they laughed and I felt sorry for him. It's an easy mistake and he only took us right to the very edge of the sea because we were the only two on the tour and he wanted to make it a unique time, just for us. The locals mocked his mistake instead of offering help. After some time they began to help dig the bus out. More and more joined. They pushed, lifted, dug and rocked the bus to try and set it free. Nothing seemed to free the bus from the hole it was in. More locals arrived on their motorcycles bringing their children who I sat with and we crossed our fingers. Over an hour passed as the mid day sun bear down on us. One final prayer and it was free. Mr We looked ashamed but we tried to reassure him that mistakes happen and it was okay.

We arrived back at our hotel, hot and exhausted. We showered and slept under the air con. A few hours later we headed out into the humid Malaysian evening to investigate the street food that Penang is so famous for. Exhausted we settled on a small bar and sat and had a cold beer and watched the Georgetown evening world go by. I've definitely fallen in love with this magical perfect place.

We woke up on Easter Day and planned to do the heritage walk around Georgetown, taking in all the heritage buildings and museums. Our first stop, St George's church. The oldest church in Southeast Asia. A dramatic pristine white church. It was a hot and humid morning and the chilled interior was welcomed. The service was amazing. We sung familiar songs with a community far away from our own familiar one. The vicar was full of life, taking about the heart of this special day in the Christian calendar. We were welcomed with smiles and joy.

After the service we walked next door to the Penang museum. The sun was increasing in intensity. Indians, Chinese and Malays all lived within meters of each other. Church's, mosques, and temples on the same streets. Everyone respecting each others beliefs and living in complete harmony. It made me think of the power struggles so present all over the world. Wars being fought over differences in opinion. The world could learn a great deal from Penang. The British came, the Indians came, the Chinese came and all settled without prejudice. Perfect.

Leaving the museum we stepped out into the mid-day sun. It was over 35degrees and I was reminded again of the summer that would soon be upon Hong Kong. We walked past the town hall and city hall, majestic buildings of great grandeur that lay in the heart of this town by the sea. They looked like palaces shining brightly in the sun.

As the minutes went by, the sun became hotter and hotter. My patience running thin, we walked through Little India, a district of Georgetown that resembled a town in India, filled with sari shops and food halls. I was determined to find a place called China House which had been recommended to me by a friend. With the punishing heat bearing down on us we took a wrong turn. The blaring sun has an unquestionable effect on the brain. Confused and disorientated we walked down streets which didn't appear on the map, wrong turn after wrong turn in the sun was frustrating. Each street sign told us we were walking in circles and were lost. We retraced our steps and finally came across Beach Street. Tired, hot and very bothered we found China House. It was the perfect destination.

A cool place filled with art, food and atmosphere. We ordered a starter, a main course and indulged the famous cakes for dessert. After lunch, and a few beers and cocktails we made our way to the art display on the upper floor. An amazing collection of photos from around the world from artists from each corner of the globe. I left the China house feeling like I had discovered my heart in this little town on Penang island.

We walked to another gallery and I met with the assistant of a street artist I had discovered months ago. I had seen and read about a Penang artist, Ernest Zacharevic and was determined to find some of his original art while I was here. And here I was, at the heart of street art. I had stumbled upon Ernest's gallery and core pieces of his work, twenty minutes before the closing of the exhibition. Serendipity. I was just in time. Ammar showed me where to find the piece I had so longed to see, it was down Love lane, right behind our hotel. I purchased some art and a scrap book, swapped contact details and made my way to the 'Balancing Act' a huge painting on the street wall. I am glad that steer art is starting to build a name and people no longer consider it graffiti. Art makes cities come alive.

It was more beautiful than I had imagined. In the afternoon sun, I stood on the street looking up at this amazing piece of street art. I felt my balance restored in my heart. I felt alive again.

After another day filled with exploring and discovery we settled back at our hotel. I left mum reading her book and sat in the evening having a cold beer and writing. I thought that four days wasn't enough to explore a new place. How wrong I was. Two days in and I felt I had discovered a new and wonderful place. A place I will remember forever. A place I will tell stories about forever.

I sent Ammar a note to see if he was celebrating the last night of the gallery. We met at a bar. My phone not working and his with no Internet we met 'blind' relying purely on trust that each other would be there at the place and time. I sat waiting, talking with some travellers living in Thailand on a visa run. Ammar arrived and we headed to a local bar down some small streets. I could walk this town all night. So many interesting buildings and people around. Some of Ammar's friends joined us. Ammar, from the Sudan was so full of life, his friends, one born and raised in Penang and the other a Chinese/Malay. We talked about art, travel and inspiration. There was an international music festival happening on the island and we met with two French journalists living in Kuala Lumpa who were in Penang documenting the festival. We sat and shared beers, stories and life advice till the early hours of the morning. At 3am we went on a tour of the street art of Georgetown. Ammar, being Ernest's assistant knew where all the best pieces were. We sat and ate some street food and then I headed back to my hotel. My mum would be worried. I felt 15 years old again, creeping back in, trying not to disturb her.

In the morning we packed and began tour number two. We would take in the temples of the island and then be dropped at hotel number two: The famous E&O (Eastern & Oriental) I was tired but I wasn't going to let this dampen my enthusiasm for seeing more of this little island. Mr We greeted us and one other joined our tour for the day, a French Canadian. I love multi-cultural Asia.
We visited Buddhist and Hindu temples, and giant statues of the Buddha. We started with the Buddha lying down, then a Burmese temple, followed by a Hindu temple. It was interesting to see where other religions worship. Just as grand as cathedrals and church's.

The practice of religion is something I am fascinated about and will continue to read and discover the stories that inspire millions around the world.

Mr We then took us to the Penang Hill tram. It was much much steeper than the Hong Kong Peak tram, almost vertical. The humidity meant the view wasn't very clear so mum and I opted for a buggy ride round the top. There were some beautiful old houses, it could have been any country road in Surrey. There was police station right at the top. We laughed as we couldn't see much crime happening all the way up there, not enough to warrant a full police station, we think they provably are the luckiest policeman in the world. We were thankful of the sit down on our buggy ride as my 4am night was starting to impact my energy. We took the tram back to ground level and went for lunch at a Mr We recommended restaurant. I was now very tired and yearned to check into the E&O for some 5* treatment.

Kek Lok Si was next and it was truly breathtaking. The largest temple in Southeast Asia with a giant Buddha on top of a hill and a maze of beautiful buildings all connected with colourful mosaic. The last temple on the list was the snake temple. Mum and I were both nervous, although a completely irrational fear of snakes, being so close to them sent shivers down our spines. It was less dramatic that I had thought, luckily. I was overwhelmed by the developments going on around the island. 5* hotels were erected to only close months later. Huge housing estate were going up and large shopping malls. Corporates coming in, in a big way to feed the factory workers. A middle class developing. I spend a great deal of time hearing 'emerging markets' a work, the reality was staring me in the face and it made me sad. Huge conglomerates moving in and sweeping local businesses aside. A quick buck for them, a huge loss for the people of Penang. I still feel strongly that this is what changed the face of England and part of the reason why Penang still has so much charm. The corporates haven't ruined it yet.

Mr We dropped us at the E&O. It was very grand and our room was beautiful. The E&O has the longest sea frontage in the world and all the rooms have a sea view. I ordered a massage to the room and we settled in to two nights of luxury.

I was sad to see that even the E&O was being greedy. Appealing to the masses (a huge new development stuck out the side of the heritage building) rather than keeping its exclusivity. I've become a bit of a 5* snob. I would never opt for a 5* over a local boutique style hotel, but my job and friends have meant I am lucky enough to have stayed in a few around the world. You expect a certain standard in these hotels, described as 'treated like royalty' and 'exquisite and discreet service'. Things are meant to be flawless, hence the award of 5*. I accept that 5* standards differ around the world, but I couldn't help but be a little disappointed.

We spent our last day sitting by the swimming pool sipping cocktails and reading. This made all stress drift away. We made our way to afternoon tea. We packed up for an early morning flight.

The world could learn a huge amount from this small island off the coast of Malaysia. There is a tranquil feel on every corner of the little island. Harmony is present everywhere. People seem to enjoy living here. No one seems to complain or have a bad word to say about the people who share the island. Three core religions live in harmony and there is a mutual respect for each others personal decisions. The island is stunning in every way possible. Tropical jungle, rolling luscious mountains, beaches, beautiful heritage, oodles of history and definitely a sense of harmony. I can't wait to go back.

Batik factory stamps

View form the organic fruit farm 

St George's 

City Hall 

Town Hall 

China House cakes 

Balancing Act: Ernest Zacharevic, Love Lane

Catching up with writing 

Penang Hill tram 

Mr We helping mum with hee shoes 

Kek Lok Si 

Snake temple 

Pool side E&O 

Family in Hong Kong

My heart is in my mouth, I have butterflies in my tummy, I haven't felt this for years. Waves of pure emotion running through every inch of me.
I loose track of thought and it becomes just another day, and then I remember again MY FAMILY ARE COMING TODAY. Love is in the air, and just about to land. The only reason to ever say goodbye is for the moment you get to say hello again. I can't breathe. Hello is minutes away.

I'm filled with nerves, or is it excitement, I don't know anymore. I've come a long way to feel this again.
This is what love is. You don't say it, you feel it. A rush of blood to the head straight from the heart.
I'm fighting back tears, half an hour before they even land. I give in. The next few hours of my life are going to be a dream. More than a dream. Because it is real.

What is it about asking a complete stranger a question and just believing the answer. And yet we question our close friends and even ourselves I thought as I asked the man siting next to me which exit to leave the train. I would do this journey to the airport five times over the next two weeks.

My hands are shaking. I didn't think I'd feel this way.

When that arrivals board reads 'landed' my heart is going to stop.

Looking left, right, left, right. Chanting 'please come out of B' on repeat for half an hour. Thousands of people arriving before my eyes. Everyone resembles the two people I long to see. How hard it must be for the locals I think. My eyes flicker, left, right, left, right.

And there they were. On the screen and then in front of my very eyes. My loves. My family. I crept around the corner and tears streamed down my face. I hugged my sister, my heart beating fast against hers. Then my mum, my tears falling. They were here. In my arms.

We jumped on the airport express and caught a taxi to our apartment in Sheung Wan. We dropped our bags. I was exhausted from the emotions of seeing my family arrive which I had waited so long to see. We made our way down to the tram to take in Hong Kong. It was a busy night, rugby 7's is one of the biggest, if not the biggest events in the city. The tram repeatedly got stuck in traffic. I tried to explain that it wasn't normally this busy as I was anxious to show them the city in its best light. Everything seemed to be against me. Was I hoping for perfection that wasn't possible to show? We went from Sheung Wan to Happy Valley and back to Wan Chai. Crystal Jade's was one of my favourites to take people, but this even wasn't going to perform tonight. We had to queue, I'd never queued for Crystal Jade before. Why now? When all I wanted was for a prefect first night was everything going against me. They weren't impressed with the food and I felt disheartened. I took them up to Wooloomooloo and the moist air and low cloud made the view unimpressive. Another blow. Was Hong Kong going to defeat me at the last hurdle? I had fallen in love with this city and now, when I wanted it to be perfect it was against me.

In the morning we made our way to Lantau. The big Buddha, cable car, the beach and Mui Wo. The weather wasn't hopeful. I hadn't planned to take them to the big Buddha as I felt it was just a tourist destination without much soul. I needed a wow factor to make up for the disappointment of their first night. From the big Buddha we caught a bus down to Mui Wo. Stopping at The Steop for some lunch. The sun came out but it still didn't seem like the magical place I had discovered months before. Was I trying too hard or was my expectation too high! We sat on the beach and rested after lunch in the sunshine. From the Steop we caught the bus down to Mui Wo, one of my favourite places in Hong Kong. We had some food at the Turkish restaurant and things seemed to be looking up. Ruth and I banqueted on a fresh lamb kebab, thick Greek yogurt and honey with freshly baked Turkish bread. No wonder this was a favourite, if not a little indulgent after lunch at the Steop. With all these amazing places to eat and show guests, I was already full to the brim.
From Mui Wo we caught the ferry back to Hong Kong. One of the most beautiful journeys there is back to the city via Victoria Harbour with full view of the city lights. This night however, the cloud blocked the view but mum and Ruth still seemed to enjoy the journey. Tired and a little cold we hailed a taxi back to our apartment.

On Sunday morning I was keen to show my mum and sister the church I had been attending since arriving in Hong Kong. St Stephens Society was a unique place of worship and I felt peace here. We sat with my church family and sang along in English and Cantonese. I was so proud to have my family here with me.
From church we headed to Prince Edward for a day of markets. We left the MTR at exit B2, the location of my new apartment. I wanted to show mum and Ruth the traditional dim sum that was so popular in the city with locals. They didn't like the food. The Bird and Basket was one of my favourite places and I felt again disheartened that I had misjudged what my mum and sister liked. From the little local restaurant we made our way through the flower market, bird market, Fa Yeung Street where I would soon be living and the goldfish market.

We walked down Nathan road to the ladies market. The streets were packed with shoppers. Mong Kok is a busy, bustling part of Hong Kong. Even I didn't remember it being this crowded. A lady came up to me and suggested a foot massage. Perfect. We followed her to the spa and sat and enjoyed a vigorous massage. I love it, but Ruth and mum felt it was too painful to enjoy. Was I getting this all wrong? Too hard, to painful, to uncomfortable to enjoy. We found somewhere to sit and eat ice cream and drink coffee while looking onto the busiest street in Hong Kong. I felt distant and unsure of how I had predicted the trip so wrong.
After a sugar hit we walked to the ladies market. Shopping was something I had, over time become less comfortable with. I was happy that my sister finally seemed to be enjoying herself. She bought many souvenirs and a smile finally appeared. From the ladies market to the Night Temple Streets. We sat and ate some food which seemed to go down well. All this food was making me feel ill but I didn't want to suggest anything that might make the trip seem not enjoyable.

On Monday we had a lie in. I was more than aware that this was their holiday and packing each day with excursions was worrying me. I so wanted to show off the city in the limited time I had. We relaxed until lunchtime and made our way to Lamma island, my all time favourite place in Hong Kong. The weather was against me and the island seemed derelict. Mostly closed up in the bad weather. I became frustrated that I seemed to be telling them how amazing it usually is, which only added pressure on me that I couldn't show them how amazing it normally was. We walked over the island to the adjacent village, Sok Kwu Wan and sat and had seafood at the Rainbow cafe. It was cold and miserable. The boat journey home, which normally was one of the most amazing and breathtaking experiences was spent indoors, freezing and cold. This was the night to watch the light show, which was almost impossible to see due to the low hanging clouds. I loved the light show and danced and sang along with the music. Why, when all I wanted was for my family to see this amazing city at night was the weather so bad? I didn't want to, but all I felt was there was something against me, I couldn't help it. I was acting like nothing had changed, I was still the lost sister, daughter and moving away hadn't changed a thing about me. I wanted to show them how much I had changed, grown up, discovered, but all I was representing was exactly what I didn't want them to see. A lost girl in a big city far away from home. I felt guilty that I had left and not discovered happiness. It was so evident. I couldn't hide it and all I wanted to do was hide. I had limited time and I felt so much pressure. I thought this would be an amazing thing to have my family in my new home, but it was hard work. So many emotions, ones I hadn't felt for months.

Tuesday didn't look much better. The weather was awful and Hong Kong is such an outdoors place. You only realise how much of the sights of Hong Kong rely on being outside, when all the outdoors activities are jaded by the weather. I wanted to take them to the Hong Kong Museum of History. I took them to Wan Chai to my little apartment so they could see where I had been living for the past six months. It was a grey drizzly day. Paul suggested meeting for lunch. I was keen for Paul to meet my family after he had been such a positive part of my Hong Kong journey. We met at Charlie's and he made me feel more confident again, as he always does. We jumped on the Star Ferry after lunch to TST, where we could make our way to the museum. The timings all seemed to be out and the taxis didn't seem to know where to go. This city had always felt so easy to get araounf and suddenly it felt so hard. We arrived at the museum. It was closed. I couldn't believe it as I began to cry. I had dreamed of my family arriving for eight months and it was all falling apart. It was cool, miserable, my mum and sister were tired and we were now a long way from our apartment. It was rush hour and I didn't want to put my family through Hong Kong rush hour after the day we had had. They were trying to make me feel better about the situation but it only made me feel more hopeless. From TST I took them to Hong Kong park and St Johns cathedral. The park is a beautiful and tranquil place and I started to feel better here among the peace and nature. We had walked half of Hong Kong. We were tired and I was more than fed up. We had some dinner at Pissano's and walked home via the famous escalators.

On Wednesday morning we tried again. I had never been to Ocean Park and I was excited to visit a new place in Hong Kong that I had never been to before. Ruth was dying to see some pandas and Ocean Park had giant pandas. We jumped in a taxi to the park and within minutes of arriving I knew today was going to be good. The pandas were lovely and Ruth's joy at the animals made me finally feel that she was enjoying her time. We joined the cable car queue. An attraction I had seen from the road to Stanley so many times. The cable car at Ocean Park wrapped around the coast line and was more surprising and beautiful than I had imagined. From Ocean park we jumped in a taxi to Wan Chai to get on the MTR to TST to go to the museum which had been closed the previous day. Everything seemed to be finally coming together. The majority of my time in Hong Kong I had a feeling that things were just going my way, things had just happened at the right time for me, this week just seemed to be against me. Finally things were working out, but it was the last day. Why things couldn't have just worked at the start I do not know. Maybe it was a test for me, that I felt I had failed. The museum was just as good as I had remembered. I hadn't visited the museum since my first trip to Hong Kong almost a year before. My mum read everything and my sister seemed to be enjoying learning all about the history of the city. I was also reminded that Hong Kong is a truly amazing place to find myself. It was a clear night and the last opportunity to head the The Peak. I was concerned that Ruth might not be able to see this amazing view before she had to head back to England. We were in luck. We caught a taxi up to the world famous sight. Clearly when visitors are in town, taxis are the only way to get about for people who aren't familiar with the public transport of an unfamiliar city. Living in a city you become familiar with getting around, for visitors it seems like a never ending and exhausting journey. It is true, the more often you take a journey, the easy it becomes.
The Peak was just as beautiful as I had ever seen. We enjoyed the view and had dinner at the Peak Lookout, a very nice restaurant at the very top of the city. We ate, drank and talked the night away.

I woke up with my sister beside me for the last time. She would fly back to England and leave my mum and I. We dropped off my mums and my bags at my Wan Chai apartment and we headed for the airport. We sat and had some lunch and I suddenly became overwhelmed with emotion. I wasn't going to see Ruth again for months, maybe years. She was enjoying a life I only dreamed about. She had a family of her own and I was on the other side of the world, trying to find my way in the world. I had no reason to return. She went through the gates, excited to return to her life in Liss Forest, a world away from where I was. Would I ever find myself heading home?

Mum and I left the airport, just me and her. We went to the ICC, but of course the bar, Ozone was closed until 5pm. What a surprise another part of this city I wanted to show off and it was closed. We still managed to see the view from the Ritz-Carlton on the 103rd floor. We hopped in a taxi to the Peninsula for afternoon tea. We settled into an afternoon of just her and I. We nattered and reconnected.

Was I so scared that it wasn't going to be perfect so it wasn't? Was I disillusioned that they didn't enjoy Hong Kong? Why had I felt that I had failed? Maybe you can care too much. Maybe you can want something so much you forget to live in the moment.
Maybe I feel so ashamed that I am not living my life to the fullest and it was highlighted by the the visit of the two people I love the most?
In hindsight, everything is better. So why is it so hard to remember that in the moment. A friend text
"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends not upon our circumstances but upon our attitude." - Martha Washington. I cried when I received this in the depths of my feeling hopeless. I always tried hard to see the good in everything. I had failed to live up to this while my sister and mum were in Hong Kong. They assured me that they would have been happy to just be with me. That they came to see me. That I shouldn't feel disappointed and that they had enjoyed their time.

I have learnt that things don't always go the way you had intended. That trying too hard takes away the magic. That expectation and predicting ruins the magical moment of the present. I felt all I could do, was from this day on, try and make the most of every day. That living in the world of expectation will ruin all the wonder and beauty of the world. I missed my sister as soon as she left. Eight months of missing her had gone by in a flash. Two worlds, and two lives heading in completely different directions. I had chosen one path and she another. We must make the most of our lives, what ever we choose. The magic isn't in the big, over the top gestures, sights and experiences, it's in the little in between moments, the journey from one place to another. As a whole experience it was a dream come true. Love and happiness are in the journey, and not the destination. 

We make life decisions and we must dedicate our heart and soul to them.