A painful start to the year

I woke up this morning still feeling bunged up, head heavy and a little fuzzy. It was the first day back to school, I mean work yesterday and it almost killed me.
My alarm went off and it felt like I had been clean punched in the face with reality. I could bear the thought of heading to the office to pretend to be all grown up and know what I'm talking about. None of these things applied today. I felt ill, so so ill. The last two weeks had taken their toll and I felt so weak and unhealthy. My brain wasn't working, I felt demotivated, miserable, home sick, and deflated. The only thing which made it slightly easier was seeing everyone else stumble, crawl and fall back into they desks, in our stuffy, no real air or natural lift office.
I read articles, caught up on the latest legal developments in Korea and emailed a few people back, mainly saying 'can we reschedule' (till my brain works out what the hell i'm meant to be doing with my job and life) (tomorrow then)
I struggled on through, deciding that this wasn't the job for me, I hated it, I needed my mum and I the only thing that was going to save me now was a week in bed.
I walked home, paid my rent after being told I was now officially squatting in my apartment as the contract ha run out and I was a week late paying my rent.
It felt amazing to get home. Hours of undisturbed recovery time lay ahead.
I talked to friends for reassurance that I was going to return to normal and that this was a completely normal way to be feeling on the first day back in the new year.
I made a mental list that this year would be about finding a finite balance. Being able to reward myself. Support myself. Continue to learn new things every day and give myself a break when I didn't know all the answers.
I spent the remainder of the evening looking at flights and hotels in Penanag. Wondering if I was normal spending hours researching, checking, comparing and not actually booking anything? I'm being cautious (and I have no money)

I went to sleep early. I was hoping to begin running in the morning, after all, I have a 1/2 marathon to run in eight weeks time. My alarm went off, I hit snooze. It was still dark out. For your information, everyone who told me the light didn't change, it does. Not as extremely as in the UK, but it isn't light at 6am in winter. It IS harder to run in the morning because of this. Plus, I'm still not feeling 100% so I opted for a morning in bed, cup of tea, some reading and writing to ease me into day two of 2013. Not a bad way to start a sunny Thursday.
I was reading a blog, about a happiness lecture. The lecturer said that writing 5 things that you are grateful for at the start of every day for 21 days means you will have enhanced happiness for 6 months. Sounds like a good challenge for January 2013 so here is my list
- I am grateful for the opportunities I have
- I am grateful for the friends I have who love me for me
- I am grateful for being brave enough to make the move away from home and try something new and move to Hong Kong
- I am grateful for my healthy mind and body
- I am grateful for the love, passion and creativity in my life

I also read about someone who tuned her blog into her job. HELLO dream. I am now 100% focused on becoming a professional writer, being paid to experience and retell life. I want to manage my own schedule, as this one writer wrote 'mistress of my own schedule. Imagine, I could wake up each morning, read and write with a cup of tea in bed, never waking to an alarm or in the dark. I'd then exercise for at least an hour. I'd then make breakfast , make it not just throw some sustenance in a bowl and then go on an adventure, or write all day in a little cafe or restaurant. Meet with friends after work, enjoy being the manager of my own life. On that note, I must get out of bed and go to work......I'm not quite there yet. Right now, I am an events producer and I have an extremely busy schedule for the next, hmmmmmmm year!!!! However, after deciding my job was awful (mainly due to the two week unhealthy abuse catching up with me) I also decided that it actually was pretty good really. I can't wait to travel and see Asia this year. My number one goal is to travel as much as possible in 2013, visiting as many places as possible, hey, it'll give me something to write about when I become a full time writer.

I've now been sitting in bed for over an hour writing and reading. I'm going to be late for work.......