International network and human after all

I've had a busy few weeks; the reoccurring story of Hong Kong. So much to do, so little time. If only I could avoid sleep. I could live two lives and do it all that way. Or, alternatively, make better decisions and manage my time better. There is just so many exciting things going on all the time, and now I have to fit them around a full time job. 

I've been falling in love with Hong Kong again, and falling out of love with it, all in the space of an hour, on a daily basis. Very standard for a city with it all. I've had moments of home sickness, and waves of uncertainty. I have experienced the surprise, magic and inspiration around every corner again. I have indulged in deep thoughts about the future, the decisions I make and the reasons I make them. I have been alive, and I have been confused. 

Let me go back...................

I went to a conference for work and realised that the area of events I had found myself in, wasn't exactly the dream. High yield and dim sum bonds, capital markets and listings wasn't very engaging, entertaining or even very interesting. A whole day of my life sat in a room with people talking about a subject I had no intention to know anything about. I started to doubt my existence in my job and Hong Kong. Was I still on an adventure if I was sitting in an office, with no natural light for 40 hours a week? Had I made a bad decisions? Had I given in too quickly and joined the 'safe' life and living in Hong Kong? Was this what I wanted or was this fear ruling my decisions? 

I contemplated my life, my decisions, my dreams and my ambitions. I asked questions, and sought answers. I listened. I listened to people that came across my path. I met a guy who said 'I never felt I belonged somewhere, until I came to Hong Kong.' Why wasn't I feeling this? Given, he had been here 5 years, I have been here less than 4 months. Would I find somewhere that I felt I 100% belonged? There seems to be two types of person, those who question their lives, and those who get on with it, and accept it. I meet people throughout my life, who understand this and others who don't have an ounce of an idea what I'm talking about. i'm glad I know both types. 

I went on a boat with a group of very inspiring people. They were all much further along their journeys than I. Managing, owning and enjoying their work, businesses and lives. It gave me a good perspective. I met a lady who started her own music school in Hong Kong 10 years ago and a guy who owned a design company and now invests in boutique businesses. Both were 10 years older than I am, and both achieved a huge amount. Why was I being so harsh on myself? Why was what I have achieved to date, not enough? Not enough for who? For me? Who am I comparing my unique life to? And always coming back with the conclusion, I could be, do and achieve more? 

I remembered my dreams and I was back on track. Feeling my present life was back in context. I came to Asia with a dream, and I was doing fine. I was still on a journey, and I was still heading in the right direction. I felt happy and secure again in the present. 

I presented an awards night for work. 150 lawyers in a room all-looking at me to hear the results and present lifetime achievement and outstanding achievement awards. Ironic. 

I overcame one of my fears during the evening. I had previously been struggling with networking with lawyers, academics and professionals. I was getting cold feet about sparking up conversation, something I rarely struggled with before. I was worrying I was going to be rumbled for not being intelligent enough, not knowing enough, not having enough experience. Then, I realised these people don't want to talk about law with me over a glass of champagne and canopies. I ended up having various conversations about poetry, literature, growing up in the UK, and what makes certain types of people follow which paths. I realised I could do this. I could make friends with lawyers, engage in interesting conversations and to be honest, most of the females I spoke to, we discussed shoes, and holidays. I'm not sure, who was leading the conversations, but it was a good realisation to have, that putting people on podiums wasn't going to help me. I spoke with a group of lawyers, who very kindly pointed out that your 20's are about self discovery (CHECK) and your 30's are where the fun really begins (excellent). I was told 'you really become comfortable in your own skin when you reach 30. You stop caring about what others think of you, and you develop true inner confidence'. Great stuff......I am on track then....still finding out about myself, ready for the acceptance at 30. Good to know. I have four years left in my 20's..........more fun, experience and self discovery coming up.

I went for a night hike up to the Peak and enjoyed good conversation with my flat mate. I was glad for the weekend and some free time to unplug from Hong Kong. I needed a few days where I didn't have to do anything, go anywhere or make decisions. I wanted to just be free without any restrictions. I was grateful to allow myself some time off putting any pressure on myself, time to enjoy Hong Kong again. 

I found my lust for life again........