Equal rights. Equality.
We are all born equal. Treat every person as you treat yourself.
This is a theme that has been coming up regularly. Anything I read about religion, faith, spirituality, documentaries I watch, and my thoughts. The same basis: treat others how you wish to be treated; Empathy.
'Empathy is the ability to recognise the emotions of another'. I feel I treat people the way I want to be treated, but I struggle to treat and reward myself. I have recently recognised that I punish myself more than I reward myself. Forgiveness is also a running theme through religion, spirituality and faith. Part of the reason I have been ill recently is the result of continual punishment for not living up to my own very high expectation. Shakespeare famously said "expectation is the root of all heartache"
I have learned to be more gentle with myself. How can I ever live up to my own expectation if I continue to punish every small mistake I make. Even then, it's only a perception of what failure is and mistakes are. You can't move forward if you aren't prepared to make mistakes. Being trapped in a cycle of punishment and avoiding any mistakes leaves someone drained.
When being so hard on yourself, it is easy to find blame, excuses and find yourself in a place you don't want to be in. How is it, that after 26 years I still struggle to congratulate myself on the things I have achieved. I set my goals high, and when things don't appear to be going exactly the way I had thought they would, I punish myself. But who is judging? I am. I am judging myself against my own perception of what I could be. I judge myself because I believe others are judging me. This isn't a healthy way to live.
Equally. I have only pushed forward, kept climbing each mountain because I have determination. I am driven to be something. I still haven't figured out what that something is, but I have faith. I keep going because there is, and always has been something in me that seeks more. From small seeds, big trees do grow. You sometimes have to take the first step to begin a new journey.
"Comparison is the thief of joy". I seek inspiration but find it hard to separate inspiration from comparison. Judging myself harshly on the things I haven't achieved, and then punishing myself after deciding I have underachieved. The image of what I could be haunts me. But this is pure speculation.
I am me today. Right now. This very moment is who I am. Each moment I try and be someone else, takes me away from who I really am. I have been reading about philosophers: 'I think, therefore I AM' and the story of the men who live chained up in caves, that can only see shadows.
If you wrote a list of all the things you wish you were, could achieve and be. What is it that is really stopping you?
We make choices in life to fulfil some idea that we can be more than we are today. How far do we go to find what we are looking for? Or do we at some point realise that we already have everything we are looking for, which then stops us from seeking anything else? Acceptance.
We continue to learn, we continue to strive, we continue to grow and we continue to develop. That is what life is all about. Without the questions, there is no promise of answers.
We doubt our decisions when someone else offers their opinion. If that opinion doesn't match your own, we judge our own decisions based on someone else's opinion. Empathy. To recognise someone's emotion. To recognise.
We have the choice to accept that others have opinions, and whether we act or dismiss that opinion. But do we? We are all guilty of taking one negative comment as truth, and compliments as a misunderstanding. I have struggled all my life to be loved. Not because it has never been offered, but because I have a deep belief that I do not deserve to be loved.
When someone shows me love, and I feel it, I run and disconnect. The thought that someone else could see something I couldn't, literally makes me crumble.
When my mum told me about when she found God. It made me think. Believing with all you heart and soul that there is plan for you, that God has a plan, and you are unconditionally loved, for all your mistakes, flaws and self-doubt. For everything you are, you are loved. How beautiful.
Is it possible I feel I've been so let down so many times that I now have built a brick wall so high, that not even I can see over the top of it? Or is it that I have been unable to accept the past, therefore carry the burdens throughout my life. Feeling 'let down' is one side of the picture. On the other side, accepting that people make mistakes, just as much as I do; and forgiving.
I am not alone. I never have been. I never will be. I meet people everyday that I see myself in. My strength is the ability to strive to improve myself. The eternal optimist and seeker of love.
You deserve the world. So live it. Love every moment as if it were your last. Love each moment so much that you can't possibly be scared of the future. Make better decisions than you made yesterday, try new things, embrace the endless waves of transformation. Knowing yourself is an endless journey, accepting your past, and being gentle and non judgemental with yourself is an ongoing everyday practice. I'm beginning to recognise negative patterns in my life, and understanding how I can build on my strengths and support myself when I start to fall into a damaging punishment cycle. I'm learning to take responsibility for my actions today and the impact this very second has on my future. People come and go. Hearts get broken. You fear change and you learn how to survive. You keep going through faith. You keep smiling because you believe. You find your voice
"To lose balance for love, is part of living a balance in life"
I was told on Sunday "you are never alone" and I truly believe that. In one month I make a new step on the journey. I am moving to my own apartment. I have decided that I would like to have more space. I have decided that building a home while I am in Hong Kong, somewhere to call my own, is an important stage for me.
On the 7th April I will move to Prince Edward and off the island. I will have space to write, work out, cook, relax and unwind. Hong Kong is without a doubt a fast city. To have somewhere to escape to is my next Hong Kong chapter.
To explore a new part of town. Experience new things. See the magic in learning new lessons. Have people to stay. Welcome people into my home.
I will have to make changes to adjust to my new surroundings. I will no longer be able to nip home for lunch. I will be commuting for half an hour each way, to and from work but this will mean finding new routes, I can write, read and learn new ways of doing things. I am mostly excited for my new adventure
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