May you find the questions as comforting as the answers

I have just finished reading the Alchemist. A book about listening to your heart. About believing in your dreams.

I believe every day I am coming closer to connecting with my heart and soul. Realising that life is a balance. That unconditional love is the ultimate goal. Loving the harder days is the true battle. Seeing it all as one. Connecting to the whole being, not just the moments of elation.

I believe knowing your heart connects you to your soul. I am not religious, but I have faith. And I am just about to take a giant leap of it..............

Password remembering cycle of doom

Forgot your password pops up on myscrene???

The never ending username, password, reset, can't use these ?:@{} HAVE to use one of these ABC and one of them 122, and DEFINITELY one of these !.>_!

You seem to have forgotten which user name matches which password, or is it the other way round??

Please reset, remember you can't use the same user name, email or password you have entered before, BUT NEVER WRITE IT DOWN!!!!

Trying to access one account, to then realise you need to access another to access the one you are trying to access. You have to have the password reset email sent to an alternative address that you have also forgotten the password too as you haven't accessed that for as long as you haven't tried to access the first account you are trying to access. You have to reset all the passwords, and obviously you will forget these again when you try and access the account again!!!!

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE THE SAME PASSWORD FOR EVERYTHING!!!!!!

You actually can't any more, even if you wanted too. Some sites want capitals, some want a number involved, some you can't have a number, some you can't have a capital. There are the top 5-7 sites that you can access first go (YES!!) But then there are the 5-10 sites that require a long circle of reset password, different account, new password, not that one silly, try another one, nope, still wrong, arghhhhhhhhhhhh.

You now have a growing number of email addresses; I think I have 8 in total. The first one you ever started, usually something silly like, Ilikeraving@hotmail.com, or pinkandfluffy01@hotmail.com.

Then you realise that you might need a more mature one for, lets say university or a new job. You can't have myfaceissmileyandilaughlikeahampster@hotmail.com on the top of your cv or application form??!?! Maybe no one is telling recent graduates and this is why fresh graduates can’t find work? This first silly email then becomes your 'spam, adverts and junk' email i.e, any website that you know is going to send endless emails the minute you hand over your address.

You start email address number 2. A more sensible email this time. Your name, a few dots, maybe a dash, underscore and a number. This is your new sensible email, personal contacts and no junk email. You slowly forget the log in details of your first email.

You then sign up to a few sites with you shiny new, personal only email address. And before you know it, the new email address is now a second 'spam, adverts and junk' email. You now have to trawl through your inbox to find the real emails. This has gone on for YEARS. I am on email address number, who knows, with a trail of old and junk filled email address following me with the login password lost in the depths of my mind along with other useless information that I discard to make way for, lets say LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD.

Then you try and order something. You have used the first email all those years ago to sign up to this particular site. You have no idea what the password is so you hit 'send password'. It fires a reset password to your email address, you have no idea what the password is for this email address, you hit 'send password', it fires an email to another email address. You now need to remember the password for the reset password to reset the password to reset the password, to order something you probably don't even need and the whole argument of, internet shopping is quicker than going to the shop becomes hugely flawed.

Technology. Has it improved our lives or made it worse??? The jury is still out

I'm off to the shop to speak to a real live person.......

A touch of class

After a weekend of questions and observations, surrounding the class system of the UK, I have decided that now is definitely not the time for living in the UK for me. If you are happy to conform, then this is the place for you. If you are not happy to just go with the flow, then get out. Get out while you can. I love this country; the history and traditions, however, now is the time to explore what else is out there? Hello............hello............what can I be?

I have a constant desire to know myself better. To find out what makes me tick and discover new things that make my heart come alive.

To feel like you don't belong in a place that is so familiar to you is a strange feeling. Looking around and observing people is something I do constantly. What makes people tick? What makes people do the things they do? I then relate these observations back to my own life. This weekend I watched the Grayson Perry documentary, A Touch of Class. I found this fascinating 

It is so obvious that there is a class system still real and very present in England. It has been said that this is one of the things that defines us as a country. I love this, however, it does leave me with questions about what 'class' I belong, and whether this actually matters.

It’s obvious which class others are in, but I am a social chameleon. I was brought up in a working class family, but attended a top private school. This left me from an early age questioning where I belong. Feeling like you don't 'fit in’ is something that is more common than I thought growing up. When I was young, I just had a sense that I was an outsider, unable to find a comparison. I accepted my surroundings as my life, but didn’t understand why felt different. Now I have the ability to change and make decisions about my social circles. This does leave the question, will there ever be a place I feel I belong completely. It all seems to come back to a common theme, confidence.

What differentiates us is the level of confidence we have about ourselves and the decisions we make. Some people have an overwhelming degree of self-confidence that comes from within. They have the ability to make decisions without weighing up every possibility, they go with the flow, have a deep sense of 'everything will be okay'. Then there are the people who strive for confidence, that consider other peoples opinions and base their decisions on what others may say or think. I can see more and more positives in being selfish, however this isn’t a goal.  

There seems to be a constant battle of accepting and trying to change, holding on and letting go, fight or flight. Where does true confidence in yourself come from and can it be learnt? I am hoping my quest helps me to be more confident, more independent and see the world in a new way. 

I leave for new lands in 4 weeks. I am giving up everything to go on a journey. I do not know where I will end up; I do not know if I will find what I am looking for. I do know that I need to continue working on the relationship with myself. With the parts of me that aren't always easy. To stop looking at others and comparing, but to accept all of me and the wonderful differences and uniqueness. There is a child inside of me that craves for adventure and love. If I listen to my heart the world seems a beautiful and exciting place. If I listen to my heart I feel strong and able. To be connected to the world, all of it, to be connected to yourself, all of it. 

I have 4 weeks until I leave, but the journey has already begun.    

The Fear of Forgetting your ID, Sandwich packaging and Feeling the Music................

I rushed to work this morning, running a little late as I managed to turn BOTH my alarms off. My subconscious in the morning definitely plays tricks on me, convincing me things like, not going to work, missing my morning run, not needing an alarm and you will naturally wake up at the right time.

The reason my normal morning routine was eradicated this morning was I went up to London last night to a gig.....and WHAT a gig it was.

First incident was forgetting my ID and not having the time to go retrieve it. Why is it, that even though I am 25 (and a 1/2) I still feel the fear after forgetting my ID. I haven't been ID'd in years. But the fact that it isn't available to you, if this situation arises, for some reason still puts you on edge! Maybe it's the dread of not having a cider, in the sun before a gig.

Second incident is sandwich packaging. I mean REALLY. Who designs and approves these? I'm not one to normally buy pre made sandwiches, it goes against a lot of my morals, sandwiches are clearly the easiest thing you can make yourself, therefore it is never really justified to purchase one that has been made for you. However, on the rare occasion that I have no time, have to jump on a train straight from work to attend a gig I bought one (reduced, which lessons the blow)

WHEN did sandwich packs become so, unbelievably hard to get in to??!?!?! Pull here, push this bit in, slightly tare this part, and then it explodes anyway, and often you loose a part, if not all of the sandwich on the floor.

Note to self: Stick to home made, easily accessible food in future.

London IS a pretty cool place really.........Pretty AND cool being the key points of the last statement. There is no-where that is as aesthetically pleasing as London, and it was pretty chilly.

I mastered the drinking but not getting drunk challenge last night. The key here is clearly water......and having the confidence to say NO.......Saying this, the pre cider did definitely enhance the musical experience, which I felt for the first time in a long time. That moment you are completely at one with the music, the crowd and the true connection to everyone in the room. WHAT A FEELIN'.

The support band was a flute playing beat boxer type situation. I enjoyed it but my friends review was 'council estate reggae', NOT the best review I've ever heard someone say, but I enjoyed it immensely. It was interesting to hear the views of people though the medium of music. It's an alternative way of being influenced rather than just the TV or Internet. And, it's a chosen form, not a fed form.

I realised while standing there that believing and having faith in what you do, who you are and having the confidence to go and live the life you want is more of a common thing than I first realised. I could hear the same messages that I have been thinking about in the music I was hearing.

All it takes is one person to change the world, and if you believe you can, then you will. There is nothing simpler. People don't reach their dreams by just dreaming, people reach their dreams by believing. It's not external influences that make things happen, it's the internal belief that it will happen, and then it does.