And that has made all the difference

In May 2011, I went to Ramster, a beautiful garden just outside of Godalming in Surrey with my Mummy. It was a beautiful warm sunny day. It was a very peaceful day and a day that I will remember forever. I believe this day was a huge turning point in my life. I rediscovered the beauty of time with family. This is also the day I rediscovered my dreams. Up until this point, I had spent the majority of my life living through others. My actions, words and thoughts were changed and altered so easily by those around me, I had lost touch with my own heart and my own desires.

I sat with my mummy, on a hill side looking out over the Surrey garden and she turned to me and said "have you ever read the poem by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken?" and began to quote the opening lines to me. I looked the poem up and sat and read it out loud with her.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair, 

and having perhaps the better claim

because it was grassy and wanted wear;

though as for that, the passing there

had worn them really about the same, 

And both that morning equally lay

in leaves no feet had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less travelled by, 

and that has made all the difference 

This changed my life. I realised that I was going to, from this day, follow the path less travelled. I was going to aim high and head in the direction of my dreams. At this point, I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, or how I was going to do it, but I knew that I could achieve a great deal if I was brave and started to realise my own strengths. I started to listen to my heart. I began making decisions for myself. 

What followed was a year of self-discovery. A journey. A quest. I began listening to people. I started to feel loved. I started to love being me. A life long battle of being my worst enemy was fading and I started to wake up to the possibility that I was somebody, and somebody that was very important to a lot of people. That I wasn't alone. And whatever path I chose to take, I had unconditional love and support. 

People say that their families are their rocks. I like to think of my family as my stepping-stones. My mummy and sister have been the solid foundation that I needed to make my way in this world. I miss them every day that I am not with them. But they are always in my heart, every step of the way; I am inspired by them. I aim high for them. 

On the 30th December 2011, seven months after my mummy and I sat at Ramster, my sister brought my nephew Kenai into the world. I had changed a lot in seven months, but the arrival of Kenai was to change my life once again. I had never felt so much love for anything. I was overwhelmed by this tiny little baby that was so innocent and vulnerable. He made me realise how amazing life is, how delicate and unpredictable life is. He was a completely new life in this world and mine. From this day it was our families responsibility to show Kenai the world. I decided that I wanted to be an inspiration to Kenai. For him to look up to me and find strength, encouragement and support. For him to know that I would do anything for him. And I set out to do just this. 

On January the 1st 2012, I woke up in my home on Rushes Road with a huge smile on my face. I had the feeling that 2012 was going to be a big year for me. I had done a lot of self-searching throughout 2011, and now I was ready to take on the world. I decided there and then that I wanted to go to Australia. That in order to really grow, I needed to stand on my own two feet and fly from the nest. At the tender age of 25, I hadn't yet moved away from home. I was still in my comfort zone. I had an almighty feeling that in order to grow, I needed to be brave, really brave. I also knew that I wasn't going to be able to grow by staying and standing still. 

I flew to Australia on the 26th February after weeks and weeks of dedication and hard work. I had achieved what I had set out to achieve. Boarding my flight I felt stronger than I had ever felt in my life. Happier than I had ever known. I worked hard in Australia and felt alive and independent. I wasn't ever alone and I realised that no matter where you are in the world, you are NEVER alone. 

I returned and was faced with some hard decisions. I was back in the place I left, doing the same day-to-day tasks and feeling deflated and like Australia had never happened. I went round and round in circles with questions and very few answers. I felt like a caged bird, trapped in a place I didn't want to be, but had no idea where I wanted to go. This opened up a lot more questions. If I didn't know where I wanted to be, which path I wanted to take, or which direction I wanted to head, then it didn't actually matter what I did. In Alice in Wonderland, Alice asks the Cheshire Cat "would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” he replies "that depends a good deal on where you want to get to". Alice responds, "I don't much care where", to which the wise old cat responds, "then it doesn't matter which way you go". 

I booked a flight to Hong Kong. A week away, to feel that feeling of independence again, that freedom once more. I arrived in Hong Kong with an open mind. In fact, I don't think my heart and mind had ever been so open as it was at this point in my life. I was ready to embrace everything and anything that happened in Hong Kong and maybe by not trying to predict, force or control anything, something would happen and I might find something that I wasn't expecting to find. I found faith. 

Each day I spent in Hong Kong, I felt stronger and stronger. I was on the edge of something that would change my life. My eyes were well and truly open and my heart was telling me that this was the place for me. I headed home for the last time to say my good byes and to prepare to start my life in Hong Kong. I wasn't scared or nervous, I felt that I was going to be all right, that I was going to head back to Hong Kong to start a new chapter of my life. 

And here I am. Sitting in Hong Kong writing about my journey. I have been offered a job that I believe will be a huge opportunity for me six weeks after returning. I have a visa and a salary. I have made fiends and I have found a place for little old me in this big city. I don't know how long I will be here. I don't know what the future holds. But I know now that whatever I do, as long as I have faith in myself and believe in the impossible, that dreams can and do come true.