The age-old dilemma of not knowing

I have spent the past few days thinking about the meaning and consequences of our decisions. None of us really know where we are heading, we have no idea what the future holds and although we try to predict to feel secure, fundamentally this process gets us nowhere apart from taking our focus away from the current here and now.

I have started applying for many jobs, opening up to the Hong Kong job market in all areas. I have applied for marketing roles, business development roles, sales roles, PR roles, and anything that vaguely matches the experience I have gained over the past few years. It has got me thinking about the reasons for coming to Hong Kong and the long-term dreams.

I have had endless conversations with my friends about where our lives are going. About why we make certain decisions, what we think will be the end result of our decisions and what direction we are heading in. It is a common theme and shared among everyone I know. We all seem to be searching for something, but very few people I know seem to have found it........yet. We all seem to have an idea of what we want, but are unable to continually stay content with where we are.

I have dreams. I have what I believe to be a direction, and yet still there are days when I feel I have made some random decisions that don't make sense at all. Some days I feel I am exactly where I should be in the world, and some days I feel I'm a million miles away from where I thought I would be.

The combination of waiting and patience verses applying and commitment. Content with what you have verses opportunity and new experience. I guess I have age on my side. I am only 25, and I feel now is definitely the time to try lots of new things. I am trying to start a new life in a foreign country, stand on my own two feet and embrace the new experiences that cross my path. If there is no answer to what the future holds then I am doing exactly what I should be doing, trying.

Many people dream of being brave enough to give up all that they know and head off into a new world. Many people dream of travelling and wonder why they can't find it in themselves to pluck up the courage to try something completely new and move away from all that is familiar to them. The amount of people I have told, 'I quit my job and bought a one way ticket', to receive the response 'that's brave'. I really feel that I could make a life here in Hong Kong. That the opportunities that were presented to me back in June when I visited on holiday are still here. I just have to find a way to make it happen.

The unknown IS uncertain. I am hoping that this experience will help teach me about living in the moment, about not getting wrapped up in the future. I've done a lot of exciting things in my life, been to some amazing places, met some amazing people and experienced endless amounts of pleasure retelling my stories. Do I make decisions based on what the story telling potential will be?

I remember someone asking me 'What do you want?'

There was a point in my life I couldn't answer this. I had no idea what I wanted, what would make me happy. Over the past few years I have found things that make me tick, make me come alive. There is a quote that says 'Do what makes you come alive, because that is what the world needs, people who have come alive' 

One thing is for certain, that the only thing guaranteed is that I am unique. That there is no one else in the whole world like me. There isn't anyone in the world like you either. Spending my time worrying about how I compare, what other people are doing and achieving isn't supporting my development. I will be making a conscious effort to make sure my decisions are based on my dreams and not on what I believe is expected of me by other people. The people who love me don't actually care what I do, as long as I'm happy. It doesn't matter what decisions the people I love chose, as long as they are happy. What we do with our lives isn't as important as who we are.

I have spent the past 48 hours in my 6ft by 7ft bedroom. I have eaten two bananas, four boiled eggs, two bowls of noodles and two black coffees in 48 hours. I have sent a huge amount of emails. It may seem miserable, but somewhere, deep in my heart I still feel it is the right place for me to be. If I can stay happy in my 6ft by 7ft room (let me add, this is smaller than the average prison cell) then I am already learning a great deal.

What more can I do?